the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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