That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
