STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
