I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
