you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
