I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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