My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
