I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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