his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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