She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm too high and old for this...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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