I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
