I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am midnight drunk by noon
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
