Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
