So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
