Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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