So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
