Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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