Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
