Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
