they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
