Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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