I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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