just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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