Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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