You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
