I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
