if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
