I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
