New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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