What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
