You can't motorboat a personality
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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