Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
