like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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