$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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