honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
