I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
