He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
