Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
