I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
