i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
