To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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