I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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