i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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