Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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