You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
