i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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