It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
