I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
