I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
