hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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