i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
