you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am puke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
