that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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