the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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