I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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