i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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